I've always liked All Hallow's Eve. Definitely my kind of holiday. My earliest memories of that Spooky Day include dressing up as a vampire as a kid (no princess costume for this girl, thank you very much), for a party at school when I was 6. Afterwards, I recall clinging tightly to the flashing Jack O'Lantern pumpkin head torch with one hand, and my bag of precious sweets in the other, after roaming the neighborhood Trick or Treating. There was an anticipation for going through the bounty of sugar-coated delights in the bag, but mostly was the thrill of walking back along the streets in the deepening twilight. There's that feeling of strangeness. Exciting to be out and about in the darkness. Added to the unreality was also the sight of all of us little ones transformed into all manner of ghosties and ghoulies. Creepy. But the good kind, you know?
I loved the spooky stories. Always a bonus. I remember reading the book Carrie by Stephen King rather early...I think I was around 11 or 12. I never really had to wait for Halloween to enjoy those creepy tales. Even when I was 7 or 8, my parents let me watch some pretty scary movies on TV. Oh, nothing like the modern stuff, no Friday the 13th, Alien vs. Predator or any gory stuff. Mostly the old movies.
Only two that I can remember ever gave me nightmares. The old versions of War of the Worlds and The Day the Earth Stood Still combined in my childish mind to create one heck of a nightmare. The huge robot somehow ended up invading my living room, its wide visor became the alien eye weapon from War of the Worlds, complete with that awful sound effects as it vaporized the population, where it stood sentry...waiting to atomize me if I stepped outside my bedroom.
I remember waking up screaming from that one.
I suppose that paved the way for my love of all spooky stuff in adult life. Until recently, I always decorated for Halloween. A jack 'o lantern carved from a real pumpkin, fake cobwebs in the corners, plastic spiders, rubber bats, and toy skeletons. And despite not having kids of my own (not a deliberate choice, just circumstance), I buy extra sweets to give out for the local kids in costume that come 'round trick or treating.
But really, I don't have to wait for an actual day to partake in the more scary aspects of the holiday. I can just pick up a book: Stephen King, Dean Koontz, Peter Straub, Clive Barker, and John Saul...any of the above authors invite the bizarre and macabre inside quite nicely.
After all, Halloween is not just a date on the calendar...it is a state-of-mind to be savoured all-year-long.
Thursday, 30 October 2008
Sunday, 26 October 2008
Storms
I didn't want to wake up this morning.
I dreampt about my father again. In the dream, it was winter and he was here helping me plow out the driveway with the old truck & snowplow. It's pretty obvious I'm thinking more about him since learning of my neighbor's death. It's bringing so much back. I try not to think about missing Dad, and for the most part I usually succeed. At least on the surface.
It was a tumultuous dream. The kind that makes you think you're going crazy when you finally do wake up. The ache it leaves in your heart because the one you miss isn't there, even though your mind brought them back for a few seconds during sleep. And while I was in that dream I didn't want to leave.
But I did wake up.
Not much choice, really. There are things to do in the world of the living, like the mundane acts of eating, breathing and keeping up with the chores to keep my messy life in a sort of order.
It was a strange day all around. Emotions are strung out anyway, no one to really talk about the turmoil I feel inside, and then this strange storm came along from the west filling the horizon with those gray and prussian blue leaden clouds. And the thunder! It was downright creepy. A sort of summer sound, but here at the last of October. It nearly shook the windows. With the cold wind pulling the temperatures down into the low 30's & 40's, I went outside to bring in some wood for the old stove. I could hear the thunder increasing in volume; from a dull grumble to a roar, as the sky filled much more quickly than I'd anticipated with the blackness overhead. But not finished with my job, I hurried as quickly as I could, although I couldn't avoid being suddenly startled by these sharp flashes of lightning right overhead, with pounding thunder immediately following. And being in a place entirely surrounded by 50 - 70 foot Oak trees, I was understandably nervous. As I rushed up to the house with my buckets filled with wood, the skies opened up and pelted me sharply with marble-sized hail! Crazy.
Once I was inside the house and had caught my breath, the storm continued for a few more minutes, covering the ground with a thin coating of those small ice balls, as the thunder clouds and lightning started meandering slowly off towards the southeast.
Then, within the hour, the sun came out. The icy ground cover soon melted and it was as if the storm had never happened. All was back to normal. Life goes on.
Yes, storms come and go. From rainstorms to floods, tornados to hurricaines, they blow through our little world, upsetting and sometimes overturning our lives, but then after they're gone, life all around us goes on. Or so it seems.
But like those storms, there are tragic events that forever stand out in our minds, that change things, take people away that can never be put back. And while everything around us does seem to go on as normal, it really isn't. Not to those of us who've gone through the trauma. Unlike those hailstones that melted away with the warmth of the sun, grief and the ache inside human hearts takes much longer to disappear. If ever.
I dreampt about my father again. In the dream, it was winter and he was here helping me plow out the driveway with the old truck & snowplow. It's pretty obvious I'm thinking more about him since learning of my neighbor's death. It's bringing so much back. I try not to think about missing Dad, and for the most part I usually succeed. At least on the surface.
It was a tumultuous dream. The kind that makes you think you're going crazy when you finally do wake up. The ache it leaves in your heart because the one you miss isn't there, even though your mind brought them back for a few seconds during sleep. And while I was in that dream I didn't want to leave.
But I did wake up.
Not much choice, really. There are things to do in the world of the living, like the mundane acts of eating, breathing and keeping up with the chores to keep my messy life in a sort of order.
It was a strange day all around. Emotions are strung out anyway, no one to really talk about the turmoil I feel inside, and then this strange storm came along from the west filling the horizon with those gray and prussian blue leaden clouds. And the thunder! It was downright creepy. A sort of summer sound, but here at the last of October. It nearly shook the windows. With the cold wind pulling the temperatures down into the low 30's & 40's, I went outside to bring in some wood for the old stove. I could hear the thunder increasing in volume; from a dull grumble to a roar, as the sky filled much more quickly than I'd anticipated with the blackness overhead. But not finished with my job, I hurried as quickly as I could, although I couldn't avoid being suddenly startled by these sharp flashes of lightning right overhead, with pounding thunder immediately following. And being in a place entirely surrounded by 50 - 70 foot Oak trees, I was understandably nervous. As I rushed up to the house with my buckets filled with wood, the skies opened up and pelted me sharply with marble-sized hail! Crazy.
Once I was inside the house and had caught my breath, the storm continued for a few more minutes, covering the ground with a thin coating of those small ice balls, as the thunder clouds and lightning started meandering slowly off towards the southeast.
Then, within the hour, the sun came out. The icy ground cover soon melted and it was as if the storm had never happened. All was back to normal. Life goes on.
Yes, storms come and go. From rainstorms to floods, tornados to hurricaines, they blow through our little world, upsetting and sometimes overturning our lives, but then after they're gone, life all around us goes on. Or so it seems.
But like those storms, there are tragic events that forever stand out in our minds, that change things, take people away that can never be put back. And while everything around us does seem to go on as normal, it really isn't. Not to those of us who've gone through the trauma. Unlike those hailstones that melted away with the warmth of the sun, grief and the ache inside human hearts takes much longer to disappear. If ever.
Saturday, 25 October 2008
A darker palette for today...
I thought I'd better post a new entry since my last one was way last week (not that anyone would notice, eh?). It has been a difficult couple of days. I could use the familiar voice of a friend, but I'm beginning to see that's not going to happen. I know there are times when we just want to be alone when going through the traumas and tragedies of life...but right now --- not-such a good idea for me.
A neighbor and friend across the road just died of a massive heart attack and that fact has left me reeling. Losing a good neighbor like this brings the loss of my father into sharp focus once again.
I know the traditional funeral color is black, and that does fit the mood. But I'd also add the cold dark gray and blues and deep purples of a stormy winter sky...the kind of clouds that hang leaden and foreboding across the horizon. Much like the cold rain that's falling today. So...today I am slate gray and Prussian blue...not exactly a prism of brilliant hues, but part of the spectrum nonetheless.
Tomorrow I'm hoping for a few brighter colors mixed in. A little Cadmium yellow to cheer, perhaps?
Maybe if it stops raining, I'll pull on my boots and venture out to take a walk. That sometimes helps.
A neighbor and friend across the road just died of a massive heart attack and that fact has left me reeling. Losing a good neighbor like this brings the loss of my father into sharp focus once again.
I know the traditional funeral color is black, and that does fit the mood. But I'd also add the cold dark gray and blues and deep purples of a stormy winter sky...the kind of clouds that hang leaden and foreboding across the horizon. Much like the cold rain that's falling today. So...today I am slate gray and Prussian blue...not exactly a prism of brilliant hues, but part of the spectrum nonetheless.
Tomorrow I'm hoping for a few brighter colors mixed in. A little Cadmium yellow to cheer, perhaps?
Maybe if it stops raining, I'll pull on my boots and venture out to take a walk. That sometimes helps.
Thursday, 16 October 2008
Any music out there?
I was going to write this while listening to music but couldn't find anything worth listening to.
Call it boredom. Call it insanity. Call it whatever the heck you like really. It's just nothing appeals to my dark mood at the moment.
I think I need to hear something new. The local radio station offers only a wasteland of regurgitated pop and stale laments to romance. I can usually find something, but not today.
Maybe I'll dig out the new Coldplay album and listen to Cemeteries of London. That one always manages to turn my bad mood into a more gothic outlook. I'm always much happier there.
Call it boredom. Call it insanity. Call it whatever the heck you like really. It's just nothing appeals to my dark mood at the moment.
I think I need to hear something new. The local radio station offers only a wasteland of regurgitated pop and stale laments to romance. I can usually find something, but not today.
Maybe I'll dig out the new Coldplay album and listen to Cemeteries of London. That one always manages to turn my bad mood into a more gothic outlook. I'm always much happier there.
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
Not much of a holiday if you ask me.
The Columbus Day weekend cruised by quickly. Not that I did anything noteworthy to celebrate the ‘holiday.’ In fact, it was mostly working, as usual. The weather couldn’t have been better for it, though. These were glorious days to be outside. I just wish I could have been doing something more…fun, is all. Friday was mostly catching up on a project for work (some graphic thing I'd rather not get into, just suffice it to say, it is meant to feed the people, not stimulate the senses). Then Sunday and Monday were spent raking and bagging leaves. No, I did not get to lay about pool side sipping an umbrella drink. In reality, I've never done that. Sad, huh?
I shouldn't whine, at least not too loudly, but it is a habit not easily shaken. I'm lucky to be living on this one acre near a woods, where I'm both close to nature and within driving distance of both a Walmart and a KFC (yes, I so have it made, don't I?). Yet...it is hard to believe that just this one acre with a few oak and maple trees could take so much effort to maintain. Especially for one girl alone. And although I do agree it can be good exercise for the mind and body, the only bad thing is that I sometimes try to do too much in one day. I hadn’t gotten enough sleep Saturday night for one thing, after staying up too late watching television. Then up early to get the outside chores started and by noon I was beat, and I still hadn’t finished up what I’d planned. By the time I quit Sunday, around 5p.m, I was totally exhausted. And then and hour or so after I’d eaten supper and rested, my old nemesis, Migraine, came to overstay his welcome.
I hate Migraines.
Out of all the pain in the world, this has to be one of the worst. It isn’t just a ‘headache,’ it affects everything. I can’t see straight. Sounds, smells and even the dimmest flicker of light causes the most excruciating agony surging across the back, top and left side of my head. And don’t forget the nausea. Even the thought of food sends me gagging. Which in turn causes more pain…
The positive thing is that so far, a dark room, a good night’s rest and a couple of Aleve seem to work in getting rid of the Migraines for me. I know I should go to the doctor and find out what causes them. One thing for sure I do know is that they are genetic. My father used to get them, as did his father before him. I hate the idea of going through all the tests and possibly getting on some kind of pill that really feels like a ‘drug.’ I don’t need to feel any more out of it than I feel already taking Blood Pressure pills. Well, as long as they don’t get any worse, or happen more frequently, I’ll do what I’ve been doing with most things for the past 20-some years -- just live with it.
I shouldn't whine, at least not too loudly, but it is a habit not easily shaken. I'm lucky to be living on this one acre near a woods, where I'm both close to nature and within driving distance of both a Walmart and a KFC (yes, I so have it made, don't I?). Yet...it is hard to believe that just this one acre with a few oak and maple trees could take so much effort to maintain. Especially for one girl alone. And although I do agree it can be good exercise for the mind and body, the only bad thing is that I sometimes try to do too much in one day. I hadn’t gotten enough sleep Saturday night for one thing, after staying up too late watching television. Then up early to get the outside chores started and by noon I was beat, and I still hadn’t finished up what I’d planned. By the time I quit Sunday, around 5p.m, I was totally exhausted. And then and hour or so after I’d eaten supper and rested, my old nemesis, Migraine, came to overstay his welcome.
I hate Migraines.
Out of all the pain in the world, this has to be one of the worst. It isn’t just a ‘headache,’ it affects everything. I can’t see straight. Sounds, smells and even the dimmest flicker of light causes the most excruciating agony surging across the back, top and left side of my head. And don’t forget the nausea. Even the thought of food sends me gagging. Which in turn causes more pain…
The positive thing is that so far, a dark room, a good night’s rest and a couple of Aleve seem to work in getting rid of the Migraines for me. I know I should go to the doctor and find out what causes them. One thing for sure I do know is that they are genetic. My father used to get them, as did his father before him. I hate the idea of going through all the tests and possibly getting on some kind of pill that really feels like a ‘drug.’ I don’t need to feel any more out of it than I feel already taking Blood Pressure pills. Well, as long as they don’t get any worse, or happen more frequently, I’ll do what I’ve been doing with most things for the past 20-some years -- just live with it.
Friday, 10 October 2008
Strangers Passing Propaganda
I've been mulling over something for the past few days that I wanted to share.
Monday wasn’t really meant to be much of an eventful day. After breakfast, a little house cleaning, a moment or two surfing the Internet, and then an hour or so finishing up a project for work, I then took a trip into town, giving my mum a lift to her doctor’s appointment. Like I said nothing really big. Except I can’t get this conversation I’d overheard in the doctor’s waiting room out of my mind.
Mum and I had run into Doris, a kind elderly lady from the old neighborhood and sat talking for awhile. About the time Doris got around to discussing the dire global financial situation and the upcoming presidential race, I was aware of another woman eavesdropping on our conversation. Doris, at 94-years young, mentioned that she was actually considering that ‘young man, Obama and his ideas for change.’ I don't usually discuss politics with any real conviction because things can get quickly out of hand, but it was apparent this middle-aged woman sitting across from us, dressed in her long-hemmed, maroon polyester jumper, was eager to share her views. She inserted herself into the discussion to point out that her choice was all McCain. Her view was that McCain stood for all the Christian values and all the principles that made this country great, and the only candidate who upheld the constitution, ‘the way our forefathers intended.’ Obama, on the other hand, came from a decidedly UN-Christian background, was totally against Judaism; which is a threat to our Christian values, and he ultimately would turn America over to Islam.
I sat there completely dumbfounded.
Senator Obama is going to do all that? Really!
Okay, I’ve not been living in cave here. I’ve heard all kinds of rumors and innuendo about Obama’s past and present, but for some reason hearing this mild-mannered, plain-dressed, mid-western woman speak these words as easily and sincerely as if sharing a favorite recipe for apple pie, stunned me. As far as I was concerned she could have been warning that a horde of leaping leprechauns were going to be invading my hometown within the day!
Perhaps I’m terribly naïve about politics, religion, and that big old wide world out there, but as a United States citizen, and also a Christian, I find this woman’s point of view somewhat startling. I certainly don’t know Senator Obama’s motives, or even if he is brewing some insidious agenda for America, but in the same vein, I think it’s unfair to base such things entirely on a person's background. Some pretty mild-mannered, so-called Christian folks have ended their lifespans doing some heinous things. Hmm, does the name Hitler ring a bell? And before anyone gets on their soapbox to declare Christianity as the ultimate be-all, end-all religion, please recall that some of the most horrible events in history happened with the help and consent of those with what we would today call Christian values. (Read about the Crusades, perchance?).
And so what if McCain upholds the Constitution the way it was intended back when it was penned? The bottom line is that America does still stand for much of the great things she always has, but clearly, the men who wrote that great document were NOT who we have become today. And believe me, once the genii is out of the bottle, it's pretty difficult to put him back. Could we really go back to the puritan beliefs of a previous age? If that were true, John McCain’s running mate, Sarah Palin would be back at home baking bread and caring for her children and NOT running for vice-president of the United States. And to be honest, she wouldn’t even be able to vote. Because those ‘we the people’ referred to in the opening sentence were white male landowners. So, some things have changed, but I honestly believe the core-essentials that make our nation of independence and equality great, are still strong.
Here it is four days later and I’m still not exactly sure what bothered me the most about what this so-called Christian woman said while sitting so calmly in the doctor’s office waiting room. Perhaps it’s the fact that this blatant intolerance was spoken with so much conviction, and I hadn’t truly expected to meet an actual zealot in a place so ordinary. But I suppose that is exactly the place to find one.
Monday wasn’t really meant to be much of an eventful day. After breakfast, a little house cleaning, a moment or two surfing the Internet, and then an hour or so finishing up a project for work, I then took a trip into town, giving my mum a lift to her doctor’s appointment. Like I said nothing really big. Except I can’t get this conversation I’d overheard in the doctor’s waiting room out of my mind.
Mum and I had run into Doris, a kind elderly lady from the old neighborhood and sat talking for awhile. About the time Doris got around to discussing the dire global financial situation and the upcoming presidential race, I was aware of another woman eavesdropping on our conversation. Doris, at 94-years young, mentioned that she was actually considering that ‘young man, Obama and his ideas for change.’ I don't usually discuss politics with any real conviction because things can get quickly out of hand, but it was apparent this middle-aged woman sitting across from us, dressed in her long-hemmed, maroon polyester jumper, was eager to share her views. She inserted herself into the discussion to point out that her choice was all McCain. Her view was that McCain stood for all the Christian values and all the principles that made this country great, and the only candidate who upheld the constitution, ‘the way our forefathers intended.’ Obama, on the other hand, came from a decidedly UN-Christian background, was totally against Judaism; which is a threat to our Christian values, and he ultimately would turn America over to Islam.
I sat there completely dumbfounded.
Senator Obama is going to do all that? Really!
Okay, I’ve not been living in cave here. I’ve heard all kinds of rumors and innuendo about Obama’s past and present, but for some reason hearing this mild-mannered, plain-dressed, mid-western woman speak these words as easily and sincerely as if sharing a favorite recipe for apple pie, stunned me. As far as I was concerned she could have been warning that a horde of leaping leprechauns were going to be invading my hometown within the day!
Perhaps I’m terribly naïve about politics, religion, and that big old wide world out there, but as a United States citizen, and also a Christian, I find this woman’s point of view somewhat startling. I certainly don’t know Senator Obama’s motives, or even if he is brewing some insidious agenda for America, but in the same vein, I think it’s unfair to base such things entirely on a person's background. Some pretty mild-mannered, so-called Christian folks have ended their lifespans doing some heinous things. Hmm, does the name Hitler ring a bell? And before anyone gets on their soapbox to declare Christianity as the ultimate be-all, end-all religion, please recall that some of the most horrible events in history happened with the help and consent of those with what we would today call Christian values. (Read about the Crusades, perchance?).
And so what if McCain upholds the Constitution the way it was intended back when it was penned? The bottom line is that America does still stand for much of the great things she always has, but clearly, the men who wrote that great document were NOT who we have become today. And believe me, once the genii is out of the bottle, it's pretty difficult to put him back. Could we really go back to the puritan beliefs of a previous age? If that were true, John McCain’s running mate, Sarah Palin would be back at home baking bread and caring for her children and NOT running for vice-president of the United States. And to be honest, she wouldn’t even be able to vote. Because those ‘we the people’ referred to in the opening sentence were white male landowners. So, some things have changed, but I honestly believe the core-essentials that make our nation of independence and equality great, are still strong.
Here it is four days later and I’m still not exactly sure what bothered me the most about what this so-called Christian woman said while sitting so calmly in the doctor’s office waiting room. Perhaps it’s the fact that this blatant intolerance was spoken with so much conviction, and I hadn’t truly expected to meet an actual zealot in a place so ordinary. But I suppose that is exactly the place to find one.
Thursday, 2 October 2008
Autumn Rain
It's been a typical fall day: brief glimpses of sunshine between rain showers. And colder. I stayed in bed longer than I should have this morning. I did because I could, and I take advantage of it when I can. Did I mention it was colder? Not as cold as Winter in a snowy clime can be. No, not yet. But it is coming.
I was glad that I was home today. My neighbor up the road called to ask if I could give her a ride to the garage to pick up her car. Her Mercury needed an alignment and was finally ready. Of course I said yes. I was happy to do it; she's been a great friend for years, and is an excellent neighbor. After dropping her off I hung around in town for a half hour or so and picked up a gallon of milk, filled up the car with gas and then bought a Subway sandwich for dinner. No, that doesn't seem particularly exciting, but this little town doesn't have many thrills to speak of. Although it rained off and on throughout the ride to and from town, it was good to get out and about for an unhurried, non-stressful trip. I didn't have to be anywhere at any set time so it was a really pleasant drive.
The leaves on the trees here in the Northeast are literally ablaze with color! Within the last week these cold nights and sunny days have prompted the poplar, maple, beach, etc., to change their summer green into crimson, orange, and yellow. They're dazzling. Although I do admit I'm not thrilled with the coming of winter, I do enjoy this part of the transition. Deep down though, I'm already secretly yearning for spring. :-)
I was glad that I was home today. My neighbor up the road called to ask if I could give her a ride to the garage to pick up her car. Her Mercury needed an alignment and was finally ready. Of course I said yes. I was happy to do it; she's been a great friend for years, and is an excellent neighbor. After dropping her off I hung around in town for a half hour or so and picked up a gallon of milk, filled up the car with gas and then bought a Subway sandwich for dinner. No, that doesn't seem particularly exciting, but this little town doesn't have many thrills to speak of. Although it rained off and on throughout the ride to and from town, it was good to get out and about for an unhurried, non-stressful trip. I didn't have to be anywhere at any set time so it was a really pleasant drive.
The leaves on the trees here in the Northeast are literally ablaze with color! Within the last week these cold nights and sunny days have prompted the poplar, maple, beach, etc., to change their summer green into crimson, orange, and yellow. They're dazzling. Although I do admit I'm not thrilled with the coming of winter, I do enjoy this part of the transition. Deep down though, I'm already secretly yearning for spring. :-)
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