Sending the TARDIS to YESTERDAY

I wish I could say I had no regrets in my life, but do I ever! The list would be enormous if I put down everything (how sad is that?). One condition to this big re-do would being able to go back knowing what I know now. If I could, I'd go back to middle/high school and stop worrying so much and instead of focusing on what other people thought about me, be at peace with who I am and think for myself. Telling one or two of the more irritating idiots to 'go to hell' might have helped. And I'd take more chances instead of playing it safe. And I'd have told Tim when we were hanging out in the library that day in ninth grade that I REALLY liked him as more than a friend instead of playing shy. Even if he'd said he didn't feel the same way...at least I would have tried.

Most importantly: I wish I had stood firm and talked my father into going to hospital two days BEFORE he passed away. He wasn't feeling well and although we spoke about it, I didn't insist. It may or may not have changed the outcome, but at least I would have known I'd done everything in my power that was possible. I miss him terribly.

Once a habit, now a vice...

candy kisses (12-04-08)

Like all great vices, the need for chocolate started small. M&M's and Hershey's Kisses ... I can never quit. I will never quit. Chocolate is not optional...it is a necessity.

The Resurrection of Mind & Spirit

Easter Sunday is but a few short hours away and I've nothing planned. Didn't colour any hardboiled eggs a wondrous array of blooming pastel shades. I didn't buy several bags of tinted plastic grass to line various baskets with goodies and toys for anyone in particular. I haven't even planned a veritable feast for family, friends, or the townsfolk. Sounds a pretty laid back holiday this year. Perhaps even bordering on the dull. Which is fine by me.

Holidays in general don't really hold the import as they did when my father was alive. I think I literally 'felt' more with him in the world. These days I focus on such trivial things and worry endlessly over the smallest problems. He kept me grounded, but also gave me inspiration. Particularly where my art is concerned.

Tomorrow probably won't be any kind of huge celebration, but it will be filled with memories. Good ones along with the sad, as Ifind myself missing someone so dear to me and my mother. Holidays are always tough to get through. It is a good day to be thinking about him though. Easter is all about rebirth, the resurrection of Christ to be reunited with his family and disciples. I do believe in that with my whole heart. And I also believe someday I will see my dad again. That wonderful day on Resurrection morning when I see him hold open his arms once again for that hug I've been missing for so long. That is what gets me through the really dark days. Well, most of them, anyway. It sure would be nice to see him again. We sure have a lot of catching up to do.

Happy Easter <3